Normally I post things that are happy. Memorable events. Exciting activities or stories about the people I love. I haven't posted recently...maybe it's because I've been busy...or bored....or just not somewhere that I felt like sharing anything.
But it's time to break the mold. I'm posting this so my daughter knows that I'm a dork. That I mess up and do things that I regret. When I do dumb stuff, I tend to play it back over and over in my head, kicking myself for bad decisions. I know it's not healthy to obsess, so I'm trying to get this out all at once. Admit I messed up and move on. But I want her to know that I'm not a hypocrite. When I hold her to standards as a teen, I'm trying to save her from moments like this one.
So we are military and the Army has a Birthday Ball every year. It's a formal event, dress uniforms, ball gowns, speeches, traditions and toasts. It's one of the few events that you get to dress up for. And I missed the ball on this one.
Normally, I get frustrated that I can't find a modest gown....I search for a non-old lady dress that looks nice. Too often the formal gowns in stores are aimed at teens....with cutouts and glitter and sparkles everywhere. Tight and low cut. I've done pretty well being fairly conservative. I've made dresses, I've added bolero jackets. I've had scarves. I may not have been temple-conservative, but I've definitely aimed for classy.
I missed it tonight. I felt every moment of the evening weighing on me and it wasn't' over soon enough. I bought a dress, knee length and pretty class but when trying the dress on, I realized that the flattering dress was too loose and looked baggy. So I raided my closet. I have a number of other dresses that I've worn before. That was mistake #1. I started second guessing myself.
I was THRILLED to find that the other dresses fit better than expected. A little tight, after all, that's why I bought a new dress.....but they fit okay. I tried them on and sent pictures to several friends for their opinion. A last minute text might have worked, but I didn't get a lot of feedback from friends that have known me the longest.....so I listened to a friend who knows me from the gym. Not military, much younger and not LDS. She is amazing but she isn't coming from the same point of view as I am.
She picked the shortest, tightest dress in the bunch. I kept asking, "are you sure?" That should have been my first clue that it was a bad idea. The last time I wore that dress I was 15 lbs lighter and it was loose and worked well since I was on crutches. I wore it with flats so it was simpler, comfy and I could maneuver in crutches.
But this time, I was squished into it. Admittedly, when I stood up with perfect posture, it was fine. A little lower cut than I like, but not too bad. I added a bolero jacket and it looked better. But when I walked, it would slink up....the front would start to slide forward and I was pulling and tugging. It may not have been too tight for someone else, but it was too tight for me. The low cut front wasn't too bad but I was spilling out more than I'm comfortable with and it was not what I prefer to wear....The high heels with a short skirt? I know better! That looked way over the top and made the dress look even shorter.
Then another set of mistakes. I went too young and too flashy. A 24 year old can wear a slicked back high ponytail.....36? Not so much. But I didn't want to offend the girl doing my hair and it wasn't "me" but it wasn't bad? Right? Nope. I felt ridiculous all night. I looped it into a bun, but it was so high that looking back at the pictures made me cringe. It's not me. I looked like a nearly middle age woman trying to dress like a teen. Too short, too tight and a teen age appropriate hairdo.
Then I tried to make the dress look "dressier". It was a little black dress, not a gown. No matter how much bling you add, it's not going to look classier and longer.
The Brits have a word. Chav. It's a negative term for someone who might wear expensive stuff, but is class-less, tasteless and trashy. Think white trash without the trailer.
That's what I felt like. A Chav.
Instead of being classy and elegant, I was THAT one. Every ball has one. A young wife who wears a dress that is more string than fabric or an older wife who dresses too young and looks ridiculous.
That was me. I could see it standing next to the other guests. Instead of a simple piece of jewelery, designed to accent my gown, I was blinged up. (each item alone was fine, but I took off my earings to tone down the over the top jewels) Instead of a well fitting, age appropriate, modest gown, I let my pride take over. After hearing someone describe my original dress as frumpy and matronly, I allowed myself to be squeezed into something that I will regret.
Hair, fail.
Jewelry, fail.
Dress, fail.
I looked like I had never been to a ball. I looked unprofessional, classless and tawdry. Surrounded by people I hope I never see again. Mortified.
And yet, I will not be able to forget this one. Pictures. Online. On Facebook. Already. I'm cringing....next to a friend, I look like out of place and ridiculous. I was dressed to go to a bar, to out on the town and party....not to attend a formal event.
I cringed when I saw people I knew. I saw myself in the mirror afterwards and it made me cringe all the more. And now the regrets are running through my head. I'm thankful that my in-laws didn't see me, but there were enough people there that I felt embarrassed to be seen in something that isn't who I am.
So the moral? I know I am not perfect, but dang. Life lesson. I dress modestly for a reason. A ball is fun, but it's not a reason to blow off who I am. Now instead of photos and happy memories, I'm cringing and hoping that everyone forgets my moment of stupidity. Any of my other dresses would have been better than what I chose....but instead of remembering who I am, I foolishly gave into whatever it was. I continually questioned it, but instead of seeing it as a sign that it was the wrong choice, I got self conscious and just did whatever my friend suggested. high hair, lots of bling, wrong dress. It would have been fine on her. But not for me. I need to remember that I should trust myself.
At my sister's wedding, I stuck to my guns and wore a super conservative dress. I was comfortable in my own skin all night. I dressed not to fit someone else's standard or vision, but my own. I need to remember that!
And more than that, I want my daughter to know that I screw up too. I make mistakes that I regret. But when I dress conservatively and ask her to do as well, it's not just because I'm religious and old fashioned (although that's part of it), it's so she can avoid looking like this. Avoid looking back and regretting that she acted a fool and didn't pay attention to who she is.
I want her to avoid thinking that I was some perfect person who doesn't get her. I do. I really do. Life is hard and sometimes we make dumb mistakes.
But it's time to break the mold. I'm posting this so my daughter knows that I'm a dork. That I mess up and do things that I regret. When I do dumb stuff, I tend to play it back over and over in my head, kicking myself for bad decisions. I know it's not healthy to obsess, so I'm trying to get this out all at once. Admit I messed up and move on. But I want her to know that I'm not a hypocrite. When I hold her to standards as a teen, I'm trying to save her from moments like this one.
So we are military and the Army has a Birthday Ball every year. It's a formal event, dress uniforms, ball gowns, speeches, traditions and toasts. It's one of the few events that you get to dress up for. And I missed the ball on this one.
Normally, I get frustrated that I can't find a modest gown....I search for a non-old lady dress that looks nice. Too often the formal gowns in stores are aimed at teens....with cutouts and glitter and sparkles everywhere. Tight and low cut. I've done pretty well being fairly conservative. I've made dresses, I've added bolero jackets. I've had scarves. I may not have been temple-conservative, but I've definitely aimed for classy.
I missed it tonight. I felt every moment of the evening weighing on me and it wasn't' over soon enough. I bought a dress, knee length and pretty class but when trying the dress on, I realized that the flattering dress was too loose and looked baggy. So I raided my closet. I have a number of other dresses that I've worn before. That was mistake #1. I started second guessing myself.
I was THRILLED to find that the other dresses fit better than expected. A little tight, after all, that's why I bought a new dress.....but they fit okay. I tried them on and sent pictures to several friends for their opinion. A last minute text might have worked, but I didn't get a lot of feedback from friends that have known me the longest.....so I listened to a friend who knows me from the gym. Not military, much younger and not LDS. She is amazing but she isn't coming from the same point of view as I am.
She picked the shortest, tightest dress in the bunch. I kept asking, "are you sure?" That should have been my first clue that it was a bad idea. The last time I wore that dress I was 15 lbs lighter and it was loose and worked well since I was on crutches. I wore it with flats so it was simpler, comfy and I could maneuver in crutches.
But this time, I was squished into it. Admittedly, when I stood up with perfect posture, it was fine. A little lower cut than I like, but not too bad. I added a bolero jacket and it looked better. But when I walked, it would slink up....the front would start to slide forward and I was pulling and tugging. It may not have been too tight for someone else, but it was too tight for me. The low cut front wasn't too bad but I was spilling out more than I'm comfortable with and it was not what I prefer to wear....The high heels with a short skirt? I know better! That looked way over the top and made the dress look even shorter.
Then another set of mistakes. I went too young and too flashy. A 24 year old can wear a slicked back high ponytail.....36? Not so much. But I didn't want to offend the girl doing my hair and it wasn't "me" but it wasn't bad? Right? Nope. I felt ridiculous all night. I looped it into a bun, but it was so high that looking back at the pictures made me cringe. It's not me. I looked like a nearly middle age woman trying to dress like a teen. Too short, too tight and a teen age appropriate hairdo.
Then I tried to make the dress look "dressier". It was a little black dress, not a gown. No matter how much bling you add, it's not going to look classier and longer.
The Brits have a word. Chav. It's a negative term for someone who might wear expensive stuff, but is class-less, tasteless and trashy. Think white trash without the trailer.
That's what I felt like. A Chav.
Instead of being classy and elegant, I was THAT one. Every ball has one. A young wife who wears a dress that is more string than fabric or an older wife who dresses too young and looks ridiculous.
That was me. I could see it standing next to the other guests. Instead of a simple piece of jewelery, designed to accent my gown, I was blinged up. (each item alone was fine, but I took off my earings to tone down the over the top jewels) Instead of a well fitting, age appropriate, modest gown, I let my pride take over. After hearing someone describe my original dress as frumpy and matronly, I allowed myself to be squeezed into something that I will regret.
Hair, fail.
Jewelry, fail.
Dress, fail.
I looked like I had never been to a ball. I looked unprofessional, classless and tawdry. Surrounded by people I hope I never see again. Mortified.
And yet, I will not be able to forget this one. Pictures. Online. On Facebook. Already. I'm cringing....next to a friend, I look like out of place and ridiculous. I was dressed to go to a bar, to out on the town and party....not to attend a formal event.
I cringed when I saw people I knew. I saw myself in the mirror afterwards and it made me cringe all the more. And now the regrets are running through my head. I'm thankful that my in-laws didn't see me, but there were enough people there that I felt embarrassed to be seen in something that isn't who I am.
So the moral? I know I am not perfect, but dang. Life lesson. I dress modestly for a reason. A ball is fun, but it's not a reason to blow off who I am. Now instead of photos and happy memories, I'm cringing and hoping that everyone forgets my moment of stupidity. Any of my other dresses would have been better than what I chose....but instead of remembering who I am, I foolishly gave into whatever it was. I continually questioned it, but instead of seeing it as a sign that it was the wrong choice, I got self conscious and just did whatever my friend suggested. high hair, lots of bling, wrong dress. It would have been fine on her. But not for me. I need to remember that I should trust myself.
At my sister's wedding, I stuck to my guns and wore a super conservative dress. I was comfortable in my own skin all night. I dressed not to fit someone else's standard or vision, but my own. I need to remember that!
And more than that, I want my daughter to know that I screw up too. I make mistakes that I regret. But when I dress conservatively and ask her to do as well, it's not just because I'm religious and old fashioned (although that's part of it), it's so she can avoid looking like this. Avoid looking back and regretting that she acted a fool and didn't pay attention to who she is.
I want her to avoid thinking that I was some perfect person who doesn't get her. I do. I really do. Life is hard and sometimes we make dumb mistakes.
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