Friday, January 9, 2009

If I'm looking a little distracted, now you know why.

It's hard to not know the future.  It's hard to live in a state of indefinetes and maybes.

But it's harder to know the future. 

I'm talking about deployment dates here. My coping mechanism is to stick my head in the sand and try not to think about it to closely.   "Is my husband deploying?  Yeah, sure, this Spring sometime."  I might even be cooerced into naming the month he is going.  But the entire time, I'm mentally plugging my ears and singing Laa la la as loud as I can.  I just don't think about it too much because when you do, the count is on.

Once you know the date 100%, then all pretend is off.  Even if you are intentionally vauge with friends and family, the truth is there and it's inescapable.  It's the ultimate pink elephant. (Go ahead, try not to think of a pink can't do it.)

I hate the military calendar too.  The powerpoint one that they shine on the wall about 3 feet high.  The one where you can't NOT look.  The one where the months run together and it's impossible not to notice the number of Sundays you have left.  I really hate that because now the clock is ticking.

Now I have to know and I can't try not to.


  1. I think you described exactly how I feel in those times. At least you have some good friends to help you through it ;)
    Love ya

  2. That is so true. I hate the dumb calendar and then how they always say "subject to change" way to get my hopes up in the date getting pushed to NEVER!!! Hang in there.

  3. I guess there are enough people in the military who feel that money and benefits make all the heartache worthwhile. I still don't know which side of that issue I stand on. I have passionate gratitude about how good the military treats its people (well, us anyway), and passionate grief when families are torn apart. I just don't know if separation is worth all the perks. I finally managed to drag the truth out of my husband though. He LOVES his vacations away from the wife and kids. Of course the main issue is from the national defense perspective. People join the military because they enjoy hardships and work like this, and the military needs willing workers. So here we are. Hang in there, Dana. Life isn't supposed to make sense, but you're strong.


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