New year....new idea

So before I get started with my new year, new resolutions, I decided to write them out along with some thoughts....that way I can look back and see not only how I have changed, but my thought processes along the way

I am generally happy with my fitness level, but the last few weeks, I have been recovering from some injuries.  I still struggle with my knee and I've been going to physical therapy for about a month.   i am seeing progress, but still have pain and soreness after working out.   I don't want to risk more injuries that could cause me to lose time on fitness goals, so I'm following advice of the PT and Dr about rest and adding more exercises that will stabilize my hip and knee.   I also injured my shoulder. It's frustrating to struggle with injury that prevents me from pushing as hard as I want to go.   Yet, once again, I'm trying so  hard to be careful and prevent my shoulder from becoming worse.

That means that over Christmas, I have indulged and I'm seeing the squish start to form on my belly and my goal to stay fit needs to shift from working out to healthy eating.     I had discussed with Matt the possibility of doing another Whole 30 to reset our eating and get us back on a better track.  We are generally pretty cautious about where and when we indulge but I admit that we have gradually slacked off on sticking to a sugar reduced diet.

I was out with Val today and we felt our blood sugar start to drop....I could have gone for an overpriced salad at the mall food court, but we opted to grab some sweet potato fries and water.  It was enough to feel better and the fat/carbs did not make me feel cloudy or heavy....a reasonable portion boosted my mood and sense of well being.

Later, after the ridiculous driving around that only seems to occur in Denver, I felt my stomach growl and I didn't want to wait the 40 minutes to get home, so I dipped into a sweet treat that was gifted to us from Val.   Almost instantly, my stomach churned, my head hurt and I felt lousy.  Yet, I still WANTED to try another piece almost immediately.   I KNOW that my body does not like sugar and how it makes me feel, but the cravings for more are still strong!

Whole30 has worked in the past to help me reset the cravings and feel better. A focus on unprocessed, whole foods with NO added sugar of any kind always makes me feel better, sleep better and focus.   Sugar at night makes me crash in my sleep and wake up feeling horrible!

I'm writing this so when I question if I REALLY want to cut sugar out for 30 days, I remember why!    Also I will be focusing on adding more water back into my day.  I tend to drink lots in the summer, but I slack off when I am cold!   I know I'm slightly dehydrated.










I have been supplementing my diet with protein and BCAAs (when training) but a friend has been enthusiastically telling me how my preferred brands are not as good as her Isagenix.   So I agreed to give the 30 day plan a try.    I'm skeptical, but they assured me that it has a 100% money back guarantee.   I have a few concerns that I'm hoping to get cleared up before starting.   But I'll be giving it a full effort.

-added sugar.  Fructose is FROM natural sources but it's still added sugar.  I'm not 100% sure how this will affect me.  I tend to have a all or nothing mentality when it comes to sugar....Sometimes a small amount is still enough to throw my system out of whack.  

-The shakes are marketed as a meal replacement system.  Shake for breakfast and lunch with small snacks and a meal of 400-600 cal.   That is nowhere near what I've been shown that I need with the research (and successful efforts this last year)   Of course, I've been focused on macros and not calories.  I'm just concerned that either 1-I'll be 100% compliant and faced with a metabolism killing low calorie diet (not a good idea!) or 2-I'll modify the program to meet my macros and not be eligible for a refund if I don't like the product since I am not "compliant".  Ms. L has assured me that I should be eating more but while I agree, I'm disappointed that the marketing materials seem only focused on a LCD.....with LOTS of processed snacks and treats.   This is completely opposite from Whole30's idea of natural based, nutrient dense food, supplementing only as absolutely needed with minimally processed items (preferably no processed anything).   That is a BIG mental block.   I want to give her the best evaluation but I'm hesitant already!

-The marketing is based on "wealth creation"...marketing to friends, etc.   Simply by being willing to try the products, I was pushed to sell, recruit and attend a meeting in another state...within 48 hours. I was also signed up for a monthly subscription plan without being asked.   (They claim they did that so I could get a discounted price, but I did not hear that information when I agreed to test out the products)  As for the business side, I do admit that I asked a few friends that I trust to participate in my test so I could get a second persons opinion....keeping the 100% refund in mind!  Not one was willing to participate.

-I am also concerned with the lack of written materials.   I'm getting information via personal testimonials, phone calls, youtube videos but not much in the way of clearly written, scientific based written materials.   That seems to be a concern that is brushed aside by all enthusiastic participants as inconsequential.    I'll see if they find any specific materials that clearly outlines the plan as anything other than a low calorie diet.   They talk a lot about detoxing but I've not seen any scientific studies that demonstrate intermittent fasting while eating processed wafers will detox my body....  They also talk about how the processed food is much better than all food that we can purchase due to nutritional deficiencies in our food chain.    This IS similar to information that I have read about studies that show our food is more processed and often, less nutritionally dense than it was 50 years ago....but it does not show studies that prove this processed food is better.









I am working on learning more about macros, but based on several online calculators, I came up with the following. I am so not sure of what to use!  Whole 30 encourages us NOT to count, but I think that a short term tracking could help me ensure I'm balancing my nutrients....While I reset in Jan, I'll be watching my macros so I can get a better idea of where I am....and decide what I will be doing in Feb and beyond.


option 1 via healthyeater.com (simple calculator, not many options)

Very Active: Any activity that burns more than about 650 calories for females 

1997 CALORIES PER DAY

Carbohydrate

Protein

Fat

209g41.9%

165g33.1%

55g25.0%

Sedentary-base level, no additional exercise.

1389 CALORIES PER DAY

Carbohydrate

Protein

Fat

124g35.8%

136g39.2%

39g25.0%

Based on whataremymacros.com, 1.25 gr protein per lb of lean mass, .4 gr fat per lb of lean mass and carbs from remainder (from TDEE) and an 25% deficit of TDEE to cut. (based on 120 min of moderate exercise)

                          CARBS   PROTEIN   FAT       FIBER    CALORIES

GRAMS per day   279.7      154.7        49.5      33 - 41        2183

http://www.lgmacros.com/iifym-leangains-macro-calculator/#.VoNZOoRExj4

TDEE 2274

Cut (0/-875)

Training Day Macros (TDEE)
Fat (g)	Protein (g)	Remaining (kcal)
74	135	1,065
		2,274

Rest Day Macros (TDEE-875kcal)
Fat (g)	Protein (g)	Remaining (kcal)
74	135	193
		1,399

http://www.macrofit.com/macro-calculator/

based on 1 g protein per lb, 30% 35%-35% protein/fat/carbs

Basal Metabolic rate 1445

TDDD 2457

Fibre requirement 29 g 

daily calorie 2211

PROTIEN 30% 663 cal/166 gr/41 per meal (of 4 average)

FAT 35%, 774 cal/86 gr/21 gr per meal (of 4 average)

CARBS 35% 774 Cal/193 gr/48 gr per meal (of 4 average)

The Army Ball. Not my finest moment.

Normally I post things that are happy.  Memorable events.  Exciting activities or stories about the people I love.   I haven't posted recently...maybe it's because I've been busy...or bored....or just not somewhere that I felt like sharing anything.

But it's time to break the mold.  I'm posting this so my daughter knows that I'm a dork.  That I mess up and do things that I regret.   When I do dumb stuff, I tend to play it back over and over in my head, kicking myself for bad decisions.  I know it's not healthy to obsess, so I'm trying to get this out all at once.   Admit I messed up and move on.   But I want her to know that I'm not a hypocrite.   When I hold her to standards as a teen, I'm trying to save her from moments like this one.

So we are military and the Army has a Birthday Ball every year.   It's a formal event, dress uniforms, ball gowns, speeches, traditions and toasts.   It's one of the few events that you get to dress up for. And I missed the ball on this one. 

Normally, I get frustrated that I can't find a modest gown....I search for a non-old lady dress that looks nice.   Too often the formal gowns in stores are aimed at teens....with cutouts and glitter and sparkles everywhere.   Tight and low cut.   I've done pretty well being fairly conservative.   I've made dresses, I've added bolero jackets.  I've had scarves.   I may not have been temple-conservative, but I've definitely aimed for classy.

I missed it tonight.  I felt every moment of the evening weighing on me and it wasn't' over soon enough.   I bought a dress, knee length and pretty class but when trying the dress on, I realized that the flattering dress was too loose and looked baggy.  So I raided my closet.   I have a number of other dresses that I've worn before.   That was mistake #1.   I started second guessing myself.

I was THRILLED to find that the other dresses fit better than expected.   A little tight, after all, that's why I bought a new dress.....but they fit okay.   I tried them on and sent pictures to several friends for their opinion.   A last minute text might have worked, but I didn't get a lot of feedback from friends that have known me the longest.....so I listened to a friend who knows me from the gym.   Not military, much younger and not LDS.  She is amazing but she isn't coming from the same point of view as I am.

She picked the shortest, tightest dress in the bunch.  I kept asking, "are you sure?"   That should have been my first clue that it was a bad idea.   The last time I wore that dress I was 15 lbs lighter and it was loose and worked well since I was on crutches.   I wore it with flats so it was simpler, comfy and I could maneuver in crutches.

But this time, I was squished into it.   Admittedly, when I stood up with perfect posture, it was fine.   A little lower cut than I like, but not too bad.  I added a bolero jacket and it looked better.  But when I walked, it would slink up....the front would start to slide forward and I was pulling and tugging.  It may not have been too tight for someone else, but it was too tight for me.   The low cut front wasn't too bad but I was spilling out more than I'm comfortable with and it was not what I prefer to wear....The high heels with a  short skirt?   I know better!   That looked way over the top and made the dress look even shorter.

Then another set of mistakes.  I went too young and too flashy.   A 24 year old can wear a slicked back high ponytail.....36? Not so much.  But I didn't want to offend the girl doing my hair and it wasn't "me" but it wasn't bad?  Right?   Nope.   I felt ridiculous all night.   I looped it into a bun, but it was so high that looking back at the pictures made me cringe.   It's not me.   I looked like a nearly middle age woman trying to dress like a teen.  Too short, too tight and a teen age appropriate hairdo.

Then I tried to make the dress look "dressier".   It was a little black dress, not a gown.  No matter how much bling you add, it's not going to look classier and longer.   

The Brits have a word.  Chav.  It's a negative term for someone who might wear expensive stuff, but is class-less, tasteless and trashy.  Think white trash without the trailer.

That's what I felt like.   A Chav.

Instead of being classy and elegant, I was THAT one.  Every ball has one.   A young wife who wears a dress that is more string than fabric or an older wife who dresses too young and looks ridiculous.

That was me.   I could see it standing next to the other guests.   Instead of a simple piece of jewelery, designed to accent my gown, I was blinged up.   (each item alone was fine, but I took off my earings to tone down the over the top jewels)   Instead of a well fitting, age appropriate, modest gown, I let my pride take over.   After hearing someone describe my original dress as frumpy and matronly, I allowed myself to be squeezed into something that I will regret.

Hair, fail.
Jewelry, fail.
Dress, fail.

I looked like I had never been to a ball.  I looked unprofessional, classless and tawdry.  Surrounded by people I hope I never see again.   Mortified.

And yet, I will not be able to forget this one.   Pictures.  Online. On Facebook.  Already.   I'm cringing....next to a friend, I look like out of place and ridiculous.  I was dressed to go to a bar, to out on the town and party....not to attend a formal event.
I cringed when I saw people I knew.   I saw myself in the mirror afterwards and it made me cringe all the more.  And now the regrets are running through my head.   I'm thankful that my in-laws didn't see me, but there were enough people there that I felt embarrassed to be seen in something that isn't who I am.


So the moral?   I know I am not perfect, but dang.   Life lesson.   I dress modestly for a reason.   A ball is fun, but it's not a reason to blow off who I am.   Now instead of photos and happy memories, I'm cringing and hoping that everyone forgets my moment of stupidity.  Any of my other dresses would have been better than what I chose....but instead of remembering who I am, I foolishly gave into whatever it was.   I continually questioned it, but instead of seeing it as a sign that it was the wrong choice, I got self conscious and just did whatever my friend suggested.   high hair, lots of bling, wrong dress.   It would have been fine on  her.   But not for me.   I need to remember that I should trust myself.

At my sister's wedding, I stuck to my guns and wore a super conservative dress.  I was comfortable in my own skin all night.   I dressed not to fit someone else's standard or vision, but my own.   I need to remember that!

And more than that, I want my daughter to know that I screw up too.  I  make mistakes that I regret.   But when I dress conservatively and ask her to do as well, it's not just because I'm religious and old fashioned (although that's part of it), it's so she can avoid looking like this.   Avoid looking back and regretting that she acted a fool and didn't pay attention to who she is.  

I want her to avoid thinking that I was some perfect person who doesn't get her.   I do.  I really do.  Life is hard and sometimes we make dumb mistakes.

Yoga and Exploration--Photos of the Heart Dana Stone Bisbee Az and San Angelo TX

Some people are a blessing to meet. Dayna is one of those people. She started coming to my yoga class and I saw something special in her. I watched as she learned and grew and bent….it was so much fun doing yoga with her…and I loved spending time with her!

Goodbye 3rd grade and 5th grade!

365/25 (4 Jan 2013)

I do want to get more fit this year. I really let all my healthy eating habits go over the holidays and gained a ton of weight. I want to get back into running and swimming more often too. So I hit the gym before the kids went to school and did a few miles but not nearly enough! The yoga pose really shows how much I need to work!

365/24 (3 Jan 2013)

More yoga…Dayna came up with the idea for this pose challenge.

365/23 (2 Jan 2013)

More yoga….and fooling around with the pic on my phone...

365/22 (1 Jan 2013) Christmas Eve Resolutions

After playing games (Scatergories!) and kisses and hugs at midnight, all of the kids filled out time capsule sheets…Connor and Maddy's are at the bottom of this post. Kellie's kids, Hirum and Tannen and Vivian decided to fill them out too. I loved reading all of the comments!  I think the tiredness was getting to them.  Handwriting, spelling and creativity were at an all time low.

365/21 (31 Dec 2012) Christmas Eve yoga and fun.

Yoga practice in the morning and lots of fun in the snow for the kids. That was the only thing that the kids asked for. Then games and fun with the Wagner Family….Just Dance is a lot of fun for parents and kids!